TV Blog: The Bly Manor Show

Hi friends,

I know that I've been flaky about updating this blog, but I have finally returned because it is spooky season, I have watched a new spooky show, and I want to share my thoughts and feelings about it.

So Netflix has really been pushing two new series on me: 1) Emily in Paris and 2) The Haunting of Bly Manor. I bailed on Emily in Paris right after she gets a job in Paris because her boss is pregnant or something in like the first 8 minutes---like it was too dumb even for me.

The Haunting of Bly Manor is a stand alone horror series based on the Turn of the Screw (I think, but honestly, I don't even care enough to fact check). The show had a prior season based on the book, The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (pm me if you want some sick Shirley Jackson short story recs). The Hill House series was pretty solid, so I thought that I would give Bly Manor a try.

The show does the thing that Ryan Murphy does with the American Horror Stories where each new season is a new story, but the cast is the same. The premise is that an American au pair moves to a big spooky English manor out in the middle of nowhere to care for two kids who are kinda weirdos. Also, it is the 80s. In England. The frame story is that some lady is telling this story (the show) to a bunch of wedding guests after a wedding rehearsal.

I'm gonna be up front with yall: I don't understand a lot of what happened in this show, and I have a lot of thoughts about it. I'm gonna hit yall with some spoiler-free thoughts first:

First things first, I want to talk about the weird chemistry that all of the actors have with each other. Anytime two characters were alone on screen, I kept getting the vibe that they were gonna make out. Like, it didn't matter who the characters were: au pair and chef, chef and housekeeper, barrister uncle and his assistant, barrister uncle and his alter ego, au pair and scary ghost man, for some reason the two actresses playing the sisters in the flashback episode. I mean it was really out of pocket. I think part of why I thought this is because the actors are for some reason always standing super close together and having conversations and like giving each other eyes. I don't know, it was a vibe and it was very disorienting for me. I feel like all of the actors just got together and were like "what if we play this season like we're all in love with each other, idk, it's just an idea".

                                                                         Exhibit A ^

I next want to talk about my affection for the fictional man Owen, who is fictional.

                                                                    Marry me Owen <3

I also am loving the PANTS in this show. I'm being serious. I sent out a group text last night that just said "Pants in the 80s were wild".

                                                            BAGGY SLOUCHY PANTS

                                                        HIGH WAISTED MOM JEANS

                                                        BELTS FOR LIKE NO REASON

                                                                           OVERALLS

                                    I MEAN EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW WAS DRESSIN

I was scrolling the internet a few weeks ago and according to the world wide web, low rise jeans are coming back but I urge you all to say NO to low rise jeans and say YES to high waisted baggy pants.

And finally, as an American who has been partnered with an Englishman for a significant chuck of my adult life, I liked all of the jokes about how the American au pair just like doesn't really understand tea and says pants instead of trousers.

                                          Taylor Swift and I are both extra about loving Englishmen

Ok so here are my spoiler giving thoughts, stop reading now if you do not want any spoilers...

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STOP IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS YO

Ok, so wtf was going in this show forreal....(???)

So the show starts off simple enough right. Theres like a creepy haunted English estate, and creepy little kids, and an au pair who is just trying to do the Lord's work. Ghosts are maybe poppin up at night. Everyone is pretty sad because the former au pair drowned herself (!!!) in the lake on the estate and everyone thinks that she did it because she was sad over her boyfriend....who was the barrister uncle's assistant and was stealing from the family...and then he just skipped town and disappeared. The locals think that the place is haunted.

Ok so here's one of my beefs: throughout the show, the little girl has a dollhouse that is a replica of the manor, and she builds like dolls that are based off of people (and the ghosts) of the manor. And there's like a ghost kid that moves them around or something (?). And the little girl builds like little dolls and leaves them around the house for protection or something (?). You feel like this will be something that is explained in  the show, but it's just not.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot about this part: the American au pair is also haunted! By her fiance! Who gets upset when she tries to dump him and accidentally gets hit by a car. And she is seriously haunted by his Harry Potter glasses. The American au pair overcomes the haunting when she decides to shoot her shot at the gardener. I don't know if this haunting was supposed to be a metaphor for like getting over a break up, or like forgiving yourself when you're dealing with guilt and grief, or like just coming out of that closet and shooting your shot, but honestly this is one of the dumber storylines (but still less boring and dumb than the kid at boarding school)(also less boring and dumb than the plotline about the uncle having an affair with the mom) because it's not scary and it basically doesn't have any purpose. Like why is her fiance haunting her? Is he mad? Not mad? I mean I don't get it. I'm honestly prolly giving the show too much credit here for thinking that this represents something. Who the heck knows.

So the meat and potatoes of the show is that the manor is haunted by some vengeful spirit that lived in like the 17th century. Basically the manor ghost in life was like an It girl. Then she got married, had a kid, got the black lung and was just miserable for like 5 years. Finally her sister, who has been low key thirsting after the ghost lady's husband (!!) kills her!!! And then the sister is a total buzzkill, tries to sell off some heirloom dresses and gets murked by the ghost lady. Oh also, the ghost lives in a trunk for some reason (?), and the trunk gets thrown into the lake (!!) and the ghost lady, through sheer willpower and determination, WILLS herself into being a vengeful ghost who EMERGES FROM WATER IN SEARCH OF HER CHILD (sound familiar to anyone?).

The ghost is spiteful and angry and basically just throttles tf out of anyone who happens to walk in front of her when she is doing her nightly walk around the house. I'm not even kidding, like 4 people die this way...I...it seems so dumb right???? Like all you have to do to not die is avoid the terrifying faceless woman who just power walks through a lap of the house in the middle of the night.

So there's just a ton of ghosts in the house because basically if you die at the manor, you're stuck there because of the "gravity" of the main ghost lady.

Flash forward to the 1980s. The kids' parents are dead in an accident, and their aloof uncle hires the first au pair. So first au pair (I was gonna shorten this to FAP, but I'll just spell out the whole thing, this is a family friendly blog) shows up and is immediately in love with the clearly sinister barrister uncle's assistant, Peter. Peter is trash and starts stealing from the family and manipulating everyone in the house. Finally, when he's getting ready to steal a bunch more and just leave town...la llorona rolls up and snatches him!!!!! Aaaaand he's a ghost now. He possesses people, including children and his significant other (!!!) and then possesses her to walk into the lake and die!!!!! (WTF)

So Peter and first au pair are ghosts now. And Peter's master plan to not be a ghost anymore is basically the plot of the movie Get Out. He wants to kill the American au pair for some reason, and then possess the bodies of the little kids with first au pair, so that they can live in corporeal bodies again....because they are romantically in love...and they would inhabit the bodies of child siblings... 

And then the first au pair is like "tricked ya bro" and tries to get the American au pair to run off with the little girl, because the little boy is allegedly already fully possessed and there's nothing they can do about it now. So American au pair is running around outside with the kids when la llorona just rolls up all STEALTH and snatches the au pair, then the little girl.

THEN IN A LAST DITCH EFFORT TO SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL THE AMERICAN AU PAIR IS LIKE "aye la llorona, it's me you and it's us baby girl", and then la llorona just gives up this kid, but like now haunts the American au pair (???????????), and then the American au pair eventually gets called back to be the new la llorona, except for she's like nice...I...

....

Another thing that annoyed me so much is that a lot of the characters are in memory loops, like being a ghost, or being possessed or something makes you relive one memory over and over and over, and it's honestly the most irksome part of this show because it's just dumb and annoying. Like whyyyyyyy? I feel like the show thought that it was a Nolan-esque thing to do, and it was just soooo bad.

Oh ok, and here is the kicker. The twist of the whole show... So remember how the framing story is a lady telling the story of the manor to a bunch of wedding guests....that lady telling the story is the gardener!!!! And the wedding is the little girls wedding!!!! And for some reason the little boy and girl forgot that they were British Lords...and also forget like everything about the story including the other people involved....

Hold up...

Ummmm...

Wtf....

So first of all, the gardener has a like a northern accent in the 80s, but a posh accent 20 years later....and the actor playing old Owen is short....and the timeline for what happens after they defeat la llorona and then up to the wedding makes absolutely no sense at all.

None.

And if the kids can't remember who the au pair and the gardener and Owen are, then why tf are they invited to the wedding??? And why did the kids forget that they're English, and like they have different names now???? I'm sorry but WUT

And finally: can we please talk about the terrible CGI of people at the bottom of the lake...I just....why?

I feel like the show thought it was doing something, and just did not do whatever it was. The twists were dumb. Too many plot holes. And it ended up feeling like the first season of American Horror Story, but dumber and kinda bad.

I mean, watch it if you want. I think it's popular for a reason, and for all of my piling on, there were things I enjoyed about it: 80s fashion, Owen, and the idea of everlasting love because I'm a total cornball. I just asked my boyfriend, if I became a lady of the lake, if he would still love me, and he was like "what are you talking about?"

Final rating: If a 5 is perfect (Fleabag S.2, Skins S.1, any of the Reno 911 seasons) and a 1 is terrible (the reboot of Full House, Emily in Paris), then I give this one a 2.5 out of 5. I do recommend if your weakness is men with mustaches and 80s pants.

                                                                                <3